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Need major help with a logline

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Okay; I'm going to admit it, this logline is awful. I want to submit it to a site that provides free views for your logline and hopefully to get someone interested in your script. Anyone want to take a crack at it? :paperbag

 Forty-year old photographer, Vanessa, copes with MS but is determined to document the neighbourhood known as Eastside Vancouver. Thirty-year old Gabriel, a recovering drug addict, becomes her assistant to help her navigate one of the world's most dangerous communities. The two become unlikely lovers and partners in the journey to find mutual redemption.

With my thanks!
#1 - June 04, 2017, 11:13 AM
The Bridge of Haunted Souls
Papyrus Publishing

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I'm not feeling what the problem is that they need to overcome. What are the stakes? What is the danger to them in that community?
#2 - June 10, 2017, 04:46 AM
BLACKOUT -- available now
DESERTED -- available now
SISTERS DON'T TELL -- available now
www.deenalipomi.com

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I agree with Deena. Will she use the photos to DO something? What? And what is against her?
#3 - June 10, 2017, 05:03 AM
http://twitter.com/EnaJones
http://www.EnaJones.com

CLAYTON STONE, AT YOUR SERVICE
Holiday House, 2015
CLAYTON STONE, FACING OFF
Holiday House, 2016

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Forty-year old photographer, Vanessa, copes with MS but is determined to document the neighbourhood known as Eastside Vancouver. Why is this important to her? What disaster will happen if she does not do this? Thirty-year old Gabriel, a recovering drug addict, becomes her assistant to help her navigate one of the world's most dangerous communities. What compels him to do this? Why is he the only one who can/will help her? The two become unlikely lovers and partners in the journey to find mutual redemption. We know Gabriel is a recovering drug addict, but why does Vanessa need redemption? It might be better to hint at a romance and keep the focus on the stakes.
#4 - June 10, 2017, 05:30 AM
http://www.vonnacarter.com
Children's & YA Agents/Editors at Conferences, Workshops/Retreats/Online Workshops
twitter @VonnaCarter

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