Author Topic: First Lines/Last Chances  (Read 20856 times)

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Offline Carol Anne

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Re: First Lines/Last Chances
« Reply #60 on: August 17, 2008, 09:37 PM »
Melissa paused outside the dance room studio"....well, if you're gearing up for some kind of conflict, maybe you could change the word "paused" to something a little more intense? Like...."Melissa hesitated...." or "Melissa's feet turned to concrete outside the dance room studio.."

Here's the beginning of my new YA novel, entitled "Ruby Tangofish"...

"I used to hate my name. All through grade school, I yearned for a simple, easy one. A name like "Heather", or "Alison", or "Rebecca".  I mean, what kind of a mother names her kid, "Ruby?"  I have never met another Ruby in all my seventeen years, unless you count the overweight white cat that lived behind the Laundromat when I was a little kid.  Appropriately named because she had one pinky-red eye. (The other was blue)."
 
HANNAH & THE SPINDLE WHORL  (Ronsdale, 2010)
HANNAH & THE SALISH SEA (Ronsdale, 2013)
http://carolanneshaw.com

Offline Amy Spitzley

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Re: First Lines/Last Chances
« Reply #61 on: August 18, 2008, 07:19 AM »
I love that title--Ruby Tangofish. Very nice!

AMY
Find your inner-deeper-hidden-secret quirky person! (grin)

Offline Mindi Scott

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Re: First Lines/Last Chances
« Reply #62 on: September 03, 2008, 03:47 PM »
The one word was actually a sound. I can't remember what it was exactly, but be warned--don't start out with a sound!

I was at that conference, too!  And, yes.  It was brutal.  I think the sound in question was "Whoooosh."



My first paragraph does the cliched "character wakes up" thing, but I tried to put a slightly different spin on it:

Scratchy sheets were twisted around my legs, a lumpy pillow was tucked under my head, and some [word censored] annoying mattress spring poked into my side.  Yeah, I was definitely at home in the bed where I wake up every day.  The screwed up part is I had no clue how I’d gotten there.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2008, 03:51 PM by Mindi Scott »

Christine Eldin

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Re: First Lines/Last Chances
« Reply #63 on: September 06, 2008, 02:40 PM »
*waving to Amy!!*

Amy, I think you could spruce up that opening like this:

“You have such nice eyes, Amber.”


to

"How can you have wrinkles already! You're only seventeen." Mom grabbed her cell phone and speed-dialed Dr. 90209. (We couldn't afford Dr. 90210).

"Yes, it is an emergency," I heard her say. "I'm bringing her in tomorrow for some Botox."

heheheh :hahaha


Sorry--Your opening is nice!  I'm just bored sitting here in the house all day.  Are you still on the SCBWI boards? I haven't been there for a long time.

Offline Amy Spitzley

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Re: First Lines/Last Chances
« Reply #64 on: September 06, 2008, 04:00 PM »
Hi Christine! I did change that beginning a little, actually, and it was because of a similar thread on the SCBWI boards. (grin) I don't go over there as often as I used to, though.
What's your excuse?! (hee-hee)

AMY
Find your inner-deeper-hidden-secret quirky person! (grin)

Christine Eldin

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Re: First Lines/Last Chances
« Reply #65 on: September 07, 2008, 02:58 PM »
Hi Amy,
I felt like the old 'gang' (the people I met when I first joined) don't stop by as often.... plus busy getting into other things. And I love chatting, and it feels like the blue boards are a chatter's paradise!

:-)

Offline Amy Spitzley

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Re: First Lines/Last Chances
« Reply #66 on: September 07, 2008, 04:09 PM »
Yeah, a lot of people bailed. Too bad, really. Even I'm not quite as loyal as I used to be, although I think I'll always renew my membership. Every so often it does come in handy, and when I was in my newbie days there really was no better place to be. I learned tons over there. (grin)
AMY
Find your inner-deeper-hidden-secret quirky person! (grin)

starlight

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Re: First Lines/Last Chances
« Reply #67 on: October 01, 2008, 01:44 PM »
The one word was actually a sound. I can't remember what it was exactly, but be warned--don't start out with a sound!
my goodness, they are cruel, aren't they? :hiding