Dear Mrs. Lester...no wait that was the previous editor (really you all change jobs so frequently--is your turn over rate really this high?) anyway, Dear Ms. Fay (without the "e" is the better spelling really) Keditor,
I have a most spectacular book that you have ever in your whole lifetime read. I'm sure nothing like this has crossed your desk for your whole career! Irregardless, I have sent this to five other publishing houses and got rejection letters (those idiots haven't a clue what is good literature and what isn't!) Anyway, I thought I would throw you a scrap since I've noticed your sales are WAY down. This book is just the thing to get your publishing company back in the black.
Little Erma walks to school one morning and is suddenly sucked into a worm hole that shoots her into the 31st century. The world is crazy and unlike her normal world she was sucked out of. Erma has to learn how to talk like the people in this new century, dress like them, and fit in with their manners. It is really an educational adventure in manners and being polite as Erma storms through struggles to teach the Galacteea people what manners really are. And, well the plot gets a little sticky in the middle (that was the hardest part to write, you know!) but the climax really hits home and is a home run with everyone I read it to. Basically Erma ends up teaching the people manners just as she is sucked back into the 21st century as if no time has passed. Erma learns how important manners are.
I have been writing children's stories for ten years now. I have over 100 stories, but I just can't seem to find the right person to publish them. The life of a writer is hard, but now that I've found your publishing company, I just know we will make a great team. It's all about team work after all! So, I am giving you my telephone number, actually my cell number because it is the best one to get hold of me at. Forget about sending anything through the mail, I mean really who uses snail mail anymore! Right. So just call me when you have decided on a price you want to offer for my story. Then we can talk about all the other ones. Because really, once you start publishing my stories, everyone will want the next one and the next one and so on.
Talk to you soon!
P.S I have been tossing around pen names and have it narrowed down to three: Wanda MCnicky, Lillian Drasda, or Summer Night Star (let me know which you think I should use.)
999-999-9999 (Cell phone)