Author Topic: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo  (Read 3737 times)

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Offline Wendy Martin

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That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« on: March 28, 2009, 08:18 AM »
How would you change this tell into a show?

She doubted what she saw...


 :lalala

Offline Wendy Martin

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2009, 08:20 AM »
My try at it.

                She rubbed her eyes and opened them. She blinked, then her mouth dropped open.


Who's game? Give it a whirl.  :goodluck

Offline Verla Kay

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2009, 11:09 AM »
For YA:  She looked at it and shook her head. "No, way," she mumbled. "No [word censored]' way."

For MG: She stared at it and burst into laughter. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen," she told Amber.

For PB: Jenny looked at it.  She stared at it. She stared harder. She threw her doll on the floor, then turned around and walked away. "I don't like it," she said.

P.S. If anyone isn't familiar with genre abbreviations, YA = Young Adult, MG = Mid Grade, and PB = Picture Books
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susandawn

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2009, 02:52 PM »
Alicia stopped dead in her tracks. Her backpack slid right out of her hands, papers flying. Alicia didn't even bend down to pick them up. She just stood there shaking her head.

Offline kabarson

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2009, 03:42 PM »
"Yeah, right."


(I'm of the "less is more" school of thought.)
Kelly

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Offline Liz Straw

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2009, 10:59 AM »
"No way!"
You must do the things you think you cannot do.  Eleanor Roosevelt

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Offline DianaM

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2009, 06:59 PM »
Suggestion: She jumped back and gasped.

By the way, Verla, I love how you broke them down into different genres. Very interesting.
NED THE KNITTING PIRATE: A SALTY YARN, Roaring Brook
GRIMELDA, THE VERY MESSY WITCH, Tegen/Harper
CITY SHAPES, Little Brown
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MaudeStephany

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2009, 08:49 AM »
I also like how Verla broke things down into categories. Verla Rocks!  :yay

Maude  :frog

Offline tfb3

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2009, 09:09 AM »
It only looks like Devin

She took another sip of her drink, staring as he leaned across the table, placed his lips against the busty blonde's ear.

Only because the lighting's so bad.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2009, 09:15 AM by tfb3 »
AROUND OUR WAY ON NEIGHBORS' DAY ~ Abrams, August 1, 2010
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Mauri

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2009, 09:22 AM »
No Fair Tfb3!!!
You hooked me with that! :yup
Maurissa

Offline DaniG

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2009, 10:03 AM »
This is an area I struggle with, but what the heck, I’ll try.

She ran her gaze across the stage floor hunting for objects potentially aiding in the illusion.

Offline tfb3

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Re: That ol' show and not tell bug-a-boo
« Reply #11 on: June 02, 2009, 02:15 PM »
No Fair Tfb3!!!
You hooked me with that! :yup
Maurissa

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AROUND OUR WAY ON NEIGHBORS' DAY ~ Abrams, August 1, 2010
MY COLD PLUM LEMON PIE BLUESY MOOD ~ Viking, March 7, 2013

http://tamekafryerbrown.com