Author Topic: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.  (Read 11343 times)

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Offline Tyson McFrost

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I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« on: May 16, 2009, 05:11 PM »
What's up you superduper writing gods. I've been brainstorming this idea for a while now and today after seeing the thread 'Write a story one line at a time' I just had to jump in and do my own thing.

So, here's the idea: we try to write a story either with one or two sentences at a time but the person after the preceding must change the story's direction by adding negativity to the idea. That person will be temptation and must try and make the story sound as dumb, weird and as horrible as possible. However, the person after temptation must ignore what was done and follow the story's intended path as set by the "good guy" before him.

Here's how it might look:

"Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess in a kingdom in the sky."

"But she was a witch, a greedy, ugly nasty witch who wanted to cover everything in icky nasty slime because she was a complete poopey poop!"

"She longed to flee her prison surrounded by clouds and the wide blue yonder; hoping for the day when her knight in shining armor would arrive on his chariot of gold and whisk her away."

"Dream on sister! Princes don't marry trolls. Why don't ya get a paper bag and a wig and maybe you might even interest Cookie Monster!"   :cookiemonster

That was fun. You can't post consecutively (either as good or bad) and you can go all out against the MC as long as it follows the rules of this fantastic board.

All right guys, I have no idea how to begin--leave it to me and I'll start with that same princess story I did above--so, I'll leave it to you master storytellers to get the ball rolling.

Have fun.

-Tyson   

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Offline Tyson McFrost

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2009, 04:01 AM »
I'm so glad no one replied to this because I finally got an idea for a story. All right here we go:

Valkyrie kissed Thor on his lips as he lay her gently on her locker. At last. She thought, opening one eye to spy upon the jealous girls that glared at her...
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Offline G.R.

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2009, 04:05 PM »
(Interesting idea for a thread -- I'll give it a go...)

"Tramp!" one of the girls shouted. The others giggled as they walked away.


« Last Edit: May 25, 2009, 04:07 PM by G.R. »
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Just don't hurt nobody, 'less of course they ask you."

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Offline DianaM

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2009, 05:09 PM »
But Valkyrie couldn't hear them. She was too busy seeing fireworks. After all, it's not everyday a girl gets to kiss a guy like Thor.
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Offline Cynthia Kremsner

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2009, 01:30 PM »
But the girls knew something Valkyrie didn't. For it was just yesterday after gym class they spied Thor kissing Mrs. Opalmeyer in the teacher's parking lot.
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Offline Artemesia

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2009, 08:39 AM »
LOL funny stuff!!

But the jealous girls didn't really see what they thought they saw. Thor was giving Mrs Opalmeyer mouth to mouth resuscitation after she choked on her dentures. Tastes like sardine and pickle on rye, Thor thought.
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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2009, 09:55 AM »
Thor immediately starting having breathing trouble.  He was, of course, allergic to any and all fish.  Anaphylaxis immediately set in, and as Mrs. Opalmeyer came to, Thor fell to his knees and then sliced open a gash in his forehead as he passed out.

Offline DianaM

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2009, 05:27 PM »
But Thor told Valkyrie that he got stitches on his forehead when he slayed a dragon last Tuesday. She knew he was telling the truth because he showed her one of the dragon's scales. Valkyrie couldn't resist dragon slayers.
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Offline Artemesia

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2009, 01:04 AM »
Valkyrie was empty-headed and gullible. The dragon scale was in actuality the nail of Thor's big toe that had fallen off due to a rather nasty foot fungus.
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Offline Cynthia Kremsner

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2009, 08:17 AM »
Because of Thor's newly blemished appearance . . . forehead scars and foot fungus . . . and the rumors of he and Mrs. Opalmeyer, Thor was thrust into a spiralling downfall. The girls of Bumworten were no longer spellbound by his very presence. Though Mrs. Opalmeyer's teeth still lay in the teacher's parking lot as proof of Thor's heroics, the kids at Bumworten were enticed by the rumors and each contributed to the story as it was passed along. (Though no one truly believed Mrs. Opalmeyer to be a cougar.)
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Offline Amy S

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2009, 08:23 AM »
But they could believe what they want, thought Mrs. Opalmeyer, because she was a cougar. The false teeth were really for her human shape, a shape she hadn't done too well in. She stalked the parking lot at night, trying to pick up the teeth, only to realize that being human came with minor benefits, namely pockets.
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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2009, 07:01 PM »
Pockets like pouches on a kangaroo. Within her fleshy pockets she hid many items, along with her true identity. Her true identity was that of the shapeshifting Loki the transgender god of mischief and debauchery. Loki had duped Thor into believing that he was a mere mortal playing high school football. Thor's fugue would last until his true love came for him.

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2009, 05:12 AM »
Meanwhile, Valkyrie discovered a mysterious note stuff inside her locker, just beneath her Arithmetic book (because she had never quite figured out how to carry, and so was stuck in remedial math). On the note was a single word.  A word that would make her realize who Thor REALLY was.

Offline Juliarts2003@yahoo.com

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #13 on: June 01, 2009, 05:23 AM »
The word was shoehorn.
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Offline tulipwars

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #14 on: June 01, 2009, 06:14 AM »
Deep down, Valkyrie had always believed herself to be something more than a math-challenged teenager at Bumworten High, but when she read that word, a childhood long forgotten came rushing back: the tall columns of Valhalla, the god Odin and his magic golden shoehorn…
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Offline Cynthia Kremsner

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #15 on: June 01, 2009, 06:45 AM »
While Valkyrie found the "word" Thor was finding something of his own. He longed for proof that he did save Mrs. Opalmeyer, snuck into the teacher's parking lot and snatched her dentures. Those pearly whites were intriguing to him. How could we not recognize the value of teeth? For all the words we speak and the nutrients to our very being pass through them. He was so enamored that he fled Bumworten High and all of it's misgivings towards him . . . and set forth on his new quest. . . to become a dentist.



(BTW Artemesia, thanks for the dentures and fungus, they're sure fun.)
« Last Edit: June 01, 2009, 07:39 AM by funny stuff »
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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #16 on: June 01, 2009, 08:41 AM »
Thor set forth to heed his calling and began to examine the teeth of every student and teacher of Bumworten High. Using his charm and massively strong hands he pried his way into every mouth of the freshman class. His efforts came to a halt when he encountered a new student, the young lady Sif. The young lady Sif soon put a halt to his advances and bested him. Her teeth were PERFECT! As white as the pearly gates of Asgard! Dazzling! Thor could not resist the allure of a perfect set of teeth!

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #17 on: June 01, 2009, 08:48 AM »
Valkyrie could see the lust in Thor's eyes (among other places), and jealousy struck.  Not that she cared about Thor any longer, as she now saw through his facade.  No.  The was jealous of Sif's perfect teeth.  With perfect teeth like those, she could have any boy in Bumworten High she wanted! And so she set out to steal Sif's teeth, all the while tracking down who left the mysterious "Shoehorn" note.

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #18 on: June 01, 2009, 08:54 AM »
Val, as she was known at school, examined the note and noticed that the edges had been chewed away. She deduced that the message was more than just the word "Shoehorn". She wondered who or what had done this.

Offline tulipwars

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #19 on: June 01, 2009, 09:13 AM »
At that moment the message was ripped from her hand, chewed and swallowed by Lady Sif, who was of course Mrs. Opalmeyer in disguise (the cougar tail that stuck out from the bottom of her fetching lacross uniform should have been a clue).  The androgynous god of mischief had perfected her human form just in time.  If Valkyrie had shared the note with Thor, all would have been lost.  Only by using the pearly teeth of oblivion had she been able to distract them from their true destiny.  But using the pearly teeth of oblivion came with a price.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2009, 09:16 AM by tulipwars »
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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #20 on: June 01, 2009, 10:22 AM »
For you see, Mrs Opalmeyer (aka Loki) had been exiled to earth and the dark and stained dentures that were placed in her mouth acted as the ball and chain that kept her earthbound. Thor had inadvertently freed her. But the drawback of using the pearly teeth of oblivion had began to take root.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2009, 10:24 AM by Keoni »

Offline Artemesia

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #21 on: June 04, 2009, 11:09 PM »
(Wow, look at you guys go! Take a couple sick days and see what you miss???)

Thor's newfound all-consuming passion for dentistry led him on a frantic search for Mrs. Opalmeyer. He was sure he could fix her denture troubles with shiny new dental implants he had fashioned for her using her false teeth as a template. The old cougar quickly shed her Sif disguise as she longed for Thor's embrace once again. No sooner had he got her into the dentist's chair and jacked her jaw open, then he found a half-chewed balled up piece of paper wedged in one of her gaping tooth holes. Shoehorn... "By Odin's Hammer! I mean, Shoehorn! Why did I not see it before? The cure for my foot fungus!"

(BTW Artemesia, thanks for the dentures and fungus, they're sure fun.)

LOL well thank you for Mrs Opalmeyer and dentistry.  :flowers
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Offline Cynthia Kremsner

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #22 on: June 06, 2009, 07:57 AM »
While Thor was distracted with his new-found cure for foot-fungus, the gods of Twinkleland descended upon Mrs. Opalmeyer. She had hoped for a pardon, but calling upon the powers of the pearly teeth of oblivion was not an act fit for acquital. "Help Me" she choked out as she was levitated from the dentistry chair. The blinding light of the Twinkle gods descended upon her. "SILENCE!" the thundering voices answered. "Now it is time . . .
« Last Edit: June 06, 2009, 08:03 AM by funny stuff »
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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #23 on: June 06, 2009, 08:18 AM »
(You know, I can no longer tell if I'm hearting the story, or hurting it... :eh2 )

"Now it is time for you to pay for all the mischief you've caused!" the Twinkle gods boomed.
"NOOOOO!!!!" shrieked Mrs Opalmeyer as the Twinkle gods merciless judgment fell upon her. *poof* Mrs Opalmeyer, aka Sif, aka Loki, the androgynous god of mischief, was destined to spend eternity as a rectal thermometer in the world's busiest proctology ward.

 :mooning
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Offline Cynthia Kremsner

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #24 on: June 06, 2009, 08:22 AM »
:dr :applause :dr :applause :dr : :ahh :d :dr :applause :dr :applause :dr
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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #25 on: June 08, 2009, 04:45 AM »
But even the Twinkle Gods couldn't have predicted the chain of events that followed.  For who should happen to have a horrible case of hemorrhoids only two years later, but one of the girls responsible for making fun of Valkyrie that fateful day.  And as Mrs. Opalmeyer found herself...well, we'll just skip that part...a circle had been completed, resulting in her transference into Becky Bottlesworth's backside, through the digestive track and...you guessed it, eventually into Becky Bottlesworth's teeth!

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #26 on: June 08, 2009, 08:07 AM »
 :dr  :lol
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Offline tulipwars

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #27 on: June 10, 2009, 01:26 PM »
We leave Mrs. Opalmeyer to her arduous inner journey, secure in the knowledge that new surprises await her around every turn. 

Clutching the damp note in his beefy hand, Thor is eager to begin journey of his own.  He knows that the golden shoehorn will cure his foot fungus, but where is it to be found?

“I could tell you,” says Valkyrie.  “For a price.”
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Offline Cynthia Kremsner

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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #28 on: June 17, 2009, 04:50 PM »
Thor knew exactly what Val wanted. She stared at the bulge in his pants. "You want this," he answered . . . as he pulled the pearly teeth of oblivion from his pocket. Their powers had already been released. Mrs. Opalmeyer began her transformation while her innerspace journey was in progress . . . and at that same time, Val grabbed the teeth from Thor hoping their powers would soon be hers. "Some things are more hideous than foot fungus," she said as she ran her fingers across those pearly whites.
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Re: I Heart The Story; You Hurt It.
« Reply #29 on: June 18, 2009, 07:25 AM »
"You!" Thor said.  "You have my golden shoehorn.  Don't you?"

Valkyrie smiled villainously, clutching the pearly whites tightly to her chest.  "Yes.  I do.  And you'll never find it now!  I put in someplace that even you don't have the power to reach.  Inside my--ouch!"

Just then, the teeth snapped at Val, and she dropped them, and they started chattering away.