Author Topic: Most Unpromising Opening?  (Read 19326 times)

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Offline Gatz

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Most Unpromising Opening?
« on: May 23, 2009, 09:33 PM »
This is just for fun: what would be a really UNpromising opening line for a novel (MG, YA, or general audience)? Your own creation or an actual work. Here's one:

     I need to find someone to take me home after my lobotomy.

Offline sjkincaid

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2009, 09:58 PM »
Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I find that one hilarious.

Here's the one I don't like.

I was dreaming. <-- or some variant, followed by dream sequence.
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DawnP

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2009, 06:58 AM »
I am writing a book about motivation (as applied to goal setting) and have been reading a lot of psychology books, so I am guessing this opening might actually have the opposite effect...and also think this tactic has been used, but being a little brain-drained (from the psychology books) I can't think of where.

I am a really boring person.  Nothing interesting ever happens to me.

very funny:
     I need to find someone to take me home after my lobotomy.
not so funny:   I might be interested in this book, you know, after reading all those psychology books.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2009, 07:05 AM by DawnP »

Offline Debby G

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2009, 07:27 AM »
This is fun! How about, "I woke up at my usual time, and then went to the bathroom, washed my hands, and brushed my teeth."
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Offline Artemesia

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2009, 10:22 AM »
"I'm an elven-werewolf-zombie vampire hunter. Today is my first day of wizard school."
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Offline Barbara Etlin

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2009, 12:23 PM »
Quote
"I'm an elven-werewolf-zombie vampire hunter. Today is my first day of wizard school."

Artemesia, unfortunately, I can see this one getting published.
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Offline Artemesia

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2009, 12:37 PM »
LOL really? Maybe I should write it... :eh2
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Offline writercat

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2009, 06:34 PM »
As I was driving down the endless stretch of road to my destination, I looked into my rearview mirror. A blond girl with round cheeks looked back at me. I sighed and shoved my bangs out of my eyes. For the next 200 miles, I planned to consider all of the things that brought me to my present place in life. First, there was the time in kindergarten where my teacher told me if I couldn't concentrate, I'd never be a success. Next, in fourth grade, my stepfather said...
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Offline Traci Dee

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2009, 08:33 PM »
As I was driving down the endless stretch of road to my destination, I looked into my rearview mirror. A blond girl with round cheeks looked back at me. I sighed and shoved my bangs out of my eyes. For the next 200 miles, I planned to consider all of the things that brought me to my present place in life. First, there was the time in kindergarten where my teacher told me if I couldn't concentrate, I'd never be a success. Next, in fourth grade, my stepfather said...

:lol Truly excellent example of what not to do.
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Dragonfly97

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2009, 03:55 AM »
Nobody understands me and my problems!  I am going to write a list about this, right after I call my best friend, a redhead.

Offline G.R.

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2009, 03:59 PM »
This is fun! How about, "I woke up at my usual time, and then went to the bathroom, washed my hands, and brushed my teeth."
:dr

"'Well, that's the end of that chapter,' I said with a grin as I leaned back in the driver's seat of my car. I revved up the engine, put the pedal to the metal and drove off into the sunset."



"This is your life and you be what you want to be.
Just don't hurt nobody, 'less of course they ask you."

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RyanBruner

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2009, 06:58 AM »
The brilliantly bright sky shined above with a hint of blue so babyish, I thought it might be actually be white. Wind whipped at my weirdness, stirring up feelings of oddity deep down within that I could help but giggle. But when I raised my hands above my head, it all stopped, and I was, once again, a nobody.

Offline Tyson McFrost

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2009, 07:35 AM »
The brilliantly bright sky shined above with a hint of blue so babyish, I thought it might be actually be white. Wind whipped at my weirdness, stirring up feelings of oddity deep down within that I could help but giggle. But when I raised my hands above my head, it all stopped, and I was, once again, a nobody.
This made me depressed. --__--

I pulled my pants up to my waist, pushed the lever and watched my waste swirl away into the toilet. It was a humbling sight; one I would never forget.
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Offline 1846

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2009, 08:21 AM »
Mike stood motionless in the hot, steaming shower, his long black hair forming snakes that danced across his neck.

(Okay, I admit it, I actually used that line in a story opening about 25 years ago.)

Offline Pons

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2009, 09:02 AM »
What should I wear today? I was going to wear my pink shirt, but it's wrinkled. I do have a nice orange shirt, but I'm not feeling orange. Maybe purple would be good. No, I think I'll go with blue. Now what pants should I wear? My favorite jeans are too tight. My jeans that fit are dirty. I guess I'll go with the black skirt. But then my shoes won't match. I could wear my black sandals, but I can only find one. Maybe the turquoise ones would work, but then I can't wear these earrings.

Laurel :daffodil
« Last Edit: May 26, 2009, 10:15 AM by Pons »

MaudeStephany

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #15 on: May 26, 2009, 09:22 AM »

Bright red valentine hearts erupted on the diner walls; they looked just like a teenager with a bad case of acne.

Maude

Offline AnneN

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2009, 09:28 AM »
Lenore looked into the mirror and sighed.  How could anyone with her shockingly turquoise eyes, perfect skin, thick waves of dark red hair, and almost-too-slender figure EVER hope to get a date to the Vampire Ball?
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RyanBruner

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2009, 09:46 AM »
These last two actually are quite intriguing Anne and Maude!  I'd like to know why pimply pictures of hearts are erupting in diners.  Sounds pseudo-sci-fi-ish.  And the perfect body girl?  What about this world you've created actually led to beauty being a negative thing?  Inquiring minds want to know!

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I'd misspelled "blanket" for the last time.  No more would my prose be riddled with typos.  I had finally secured myself a word processor with spell check.  And it wasn't easy.

Offline guitarnaiad

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #18 on: May 26, 2009, 12:45 PM »
I think I might die if Matt De Luca, the hottest boy in school, doesn't notice me. His eyes are like the sun shining through turquoise waves, and his hair is the color of fertile soil. He's my greatest passion. My reason for living. Matt De Luuuuca. I love how his name just rolls off my tongue.

And then there's his six pack abs...
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ralphwiggum

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #19 on: May 26, 2009, 12:46 PM »
It rained to the extent that the grass and the roads
became wet. And when it stopped raining, the grass
and the roads began to dry.





.

Offline 1846

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #20 on: May 26, 2009, 12:55 PM »
I think I might die if Matt De Luca, the hottest boy in school, doesn't notice me. His eyes are like the sun shining through turquoise waves, and his hair is the color of fertile soil. He's my greatest passion. My reason for living. Matt De Luuuuca. I love how his name just rolls off my tongue.

And then there's his six pack abs...

This just occurred to me, is this a male or a female POV?

Offline ello

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #21 on: May 26, 2009, 01:15 PM »
I have diarrhea.
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Offline CyndyHenzel

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #22 on: May 26, 2009, 01:29 PM »
I'm a waif from a historical place and time you care nothing about.
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ralphwiggum

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #23 on: May 26, 2009, 01:50 PM »
China is famous for Giant Pandas. But I never saw one, because
I was at the zoo in St. Louis, which was closed for the season when
I got there.





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Offline 1846

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #24 on: May 26, 2009, 02:12 PM »
Everything was overwhelmed by the stillness of the night.  All was still, and veiled in darkness.  The highway was still.  The birds were still.  The empty streets were still still from the night's stillness.  The construction equipment near the new housing development was still.  All was still in the twenty-four hour grocery.  On C-SPAN and CNN, even the politicians were still.  In the strange, shabby hotel near the heart of town, all was still.  In the cornfields beyond the still city, even the raccoons were still.  In the midst of all this mind-numbing stillness, Ethan awoke.  He gazed at Elaine, who was still asleep.  He silently crawled out of bed, saying nothing.  He went to the window and stared out at the breath-choking stillness, and contemplated the vast cacophony of silence, and the dried mustard, spilled earlier on the sill.

Still, he thought to himself, I still might have a chance of it.  If only I could find where Grandfather has hidden the device he used for making whiskey.  He had been sure it would be under the stile, but the stile had been stolen, and there was still no trace of what he had silently sought.

Suddenly the silence was shattered when Elaine, awakening, emitted an Olympian sized belch.  Ethan turned to her.

“Are you still angry with me for selling the steel stock?” she asked.

Ethan didn’t answer.  He turned and left the room, still in his silk pajamas and stilettos.

She could steal my heart with style, but my love for her is still stale, he thought as he stole into the overwhelming stillness.  Then he thought of that time so long ago when he had met, in one brief moment, Beverly Sills.  It was the one memory that could still steal his mind away from the stampeding stillness that raged silently in his anguished heart.

« Last Edit: May 26, 2009, 02:16 PM by 1846 »

Offline Mike Jung

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #25 on: May 26, 2009, 02:15 PM »
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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #26 on: May 26, 2009, 03:42 PM »
This just occurred to me, is this a male or a female POV?

GREAT question :)
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Offline G.R.

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #27 on: May 26, 2009, 04:08 PM »
Quote
I pulled my pants up to my waist, pushed the lever and watched my waste swirl away into the toilet. It was a humbling sight; one I would never forget.

Quote
I'm a waif from a historical place and time you care nothing about.
:dr You guys... :dr


The day began just like any other. You know that crusty stuff you find in the corners of your eyes and have to dig out when you first wake up...?


« Last Edit: May 27, 2009, 09:43 AM by G.R. »
"This is your life and you be what you want to be.
Just don't hurt nobody, 'less of course they ask you."

XTC, "Garden of Earthly Delights" (1989)

Offline Artemesia

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #28 on: May 26, 2009, 04:42 PM »

The day began just like any other. You know that crusty stuff you find in the corners of your eyes and have to dig out when you first wake up...?

HAHA I think I like this one....is there something wrong with me?  :hiding
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Offline Pons

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Re: Most Unpromising Opening?
« Reply #29 on: May 26, 2009, 04:44 PM »
Quote
Everything was overwhelmed by the stillness of the night.  All was still, and veiled in darkness.  The highway was still.  The birds were still.  The empty streets were still still from the night's stillness.  The construction equipment near the new housing development was still.  All was still in the twenty-four hour grocery.  On C-SPAN and CNN, even the politicians were still.  In the strange, shabby hotel near the heart of town, all was still.  In the cornfields beyond the still city, even the raccoons were still.  In the midst of all this mind-numbing stillness, Ethan awoke.  He gazed at Elaine, who was still asleep.  He silently crawled out of bed, saying nothing.  He went to the window and stared out at the breath-choking stillness, and contemplated the vast cacophony of silence, and the dried mustard, spilled earlier on the sill.

Still, he thought to himself, I still might have a chance of it.  If only I could find where Grandfather has hidden the device he used for making whiskey.  He had been sure it would be under the stile, but the stile had been stolen, and there was still no trace of what he had silently sought.

Suddenly the silence was shattered when Elaine, awakening, emitted an Olympian sized belch.  Ethan turned to her.

“Are you still angry with me for selling the steel stock?” she asked.

Ethan didn’t answer.  He turned and left the room, still in his silk pajamas and stilettos.

She could steal my heart with style, but my love for her is still stale, he thought as he stole into the overwhelming stillness.  Then he thought of that time so long ago when he had met, in one brief moment, Beverly Sills.  It was the one memory that could still steal his mind away from the stampeding stillness that raged silently in his anguished heart.

 :dr too funny  :dr