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Writer's Room => Picture Books (PB) => Topic started by: elizabeth-halsall on February 23, 2016, 03:41 AM

Title: grammar
Post by: elizabeth-halsall on February 23, 2016, 03:41 AM
hi,

I have a line in my PB text that says "dashing fast"
- just wondering if its a grammatical mistake to use both words since both indicate speed?
or is it acceptable?

thanks
Liz
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: Schriscoe on February 23, 2016, 04:06 AM
I am by far not the grammar expert on here but to me it is just fine. Dashing is your verb and fast is your adverb.  Is that right grammar experts? There are some members on here who are fantastic at grammar so I hope they will chime in.
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: JodyJS on February 23, 2016, 04:44 AM
Hi Liz,

I'd go with just dashing, since, as you suggest, fast implies dashing. Plus, dashing (or dashed) is a more active word.

Good luck!
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: christripp on February 23, 2016, 05:28 AM
Another vote for just Dash. It implies speed and movement and I think your instinct is right, you would just be repeating yourself if you used dash and fast together.
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: Schriscoe on February 23, 2016, 05:30 AM
Quick question. Is there a 'reason' you included both words?
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: jeanne k on February 23, 2016, 07:20 AM
It's grammatically correct but redundant.  Are you writing a rhyming story and you either need to end with "-ast" or you need a single syllable for the meter?

For a picture book, "dashing" (or "dash") is a better word than "fast" in my opinion.

Title: Re: grammar
Post by: elizabeth-halsall on February 23, 2016, 02:34 PM

Yes it is a rhyming PB. The full line at the moment is "dashing fast comes mummy bear".
So it's not that I need 'fast' to rhyme - but I do need the single syllable for the meter.

Thank you all for responding. This is so helpful !
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: lauriew on March 02, 2016, 05:05 AM
You could say "dashing by" to get that extra beat.
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: elizabeth-halsall on March 02, 2016, 05:14 AM
Thank you so much Laurie
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: marla-lesage on March 02, 2016, 05:15 AM
dashing in? dashing out? Over dashed my/his/her/dear? You've got lots of ways to write this.
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: Lill on March 02, 2016, 09:16 AM
I agree. Not a grammar issue, but the redundancy weakens your line. You have some good suggestions.
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: david-poston on March 02, 2016, 01:48 PM
elizabeth

Let me ask you this...what does 'Dashing though the snow' mean to you. Any time you have an question about a word or words,
put it in an sentence and say it out loud. While asking what that means.

It helps me most of the time and I talk to myself all the time. And if people say you are crazy for talking to yourself, just tell them, 'To live in this day and age, it helps'.
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: Dionna on March 02, 2016, 04:21 PM
Since to dash means "to run or travel somewhere in a great hurry," it would be redundant to add the word "fast" with it. So dashing in or out or past, as someone suggested, would work better.

Happy writing! :flowers2
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: david-poston on March 02, 2016, 04:39 PM
That's what I meant, 'Running or Dashing' is the same and can be use as the same. If you put running in the place of dashing, you get the same thing.
Title: Re: grammar
Post by: Schriscoe on March 02, 2016, 08:42 PM
I agree. Not a grammar issue, but the redundancy weakens your line. You have some good suggestions.

 :exactly Play around with your line and see what you can come up with. I like 'dashing out' esp. since it's a bear dashing and I imagine her dashing out of her cave. Of course, I don't know the book so I could be way off on where she's dashing from.