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Mums who never ever yell?

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Is there such a thing as a mum who never, ever yells or shouts at her kids? And by yelling or shouting, I would also include something like shouting, "STOP!" when the child is doing something to hurt a sibling or doing something potentially dangerous. Are any of you this mum or do you know of any mums like that?
#1 - May 07, 2013, 06:35 PM

I am not this mother, but I certainly know moms who are quite soft spoken and don't yell. They probably raise their voices, but it's still nowhere near a yell.
#2 - May 07, 2013, 07:01 PM
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I believe there are mums like that. In books. Specifically, in FICTION.
#3 - May 07, 2013, 07:03 PM

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LOL, Anne.

I knew a mom like this.  She has six kids, and I never even heard her raise her voice...and seeing as how I taught two of her kiddos (and the second was something of a hellion), that was a miracle!
#4 - May 07, 2013, 07:06 PM
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I tried to be this mom tonight in a restaurant with my two kids (my DH is traveling).  I did well in the restaurant.  Then I yelled at them in the car. I'm still counting this as a small victory.

#5 - May 07, 2013, 07:09 PM
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Ugh. Not me. I have a hot temper. But I still have nice kids (thank God). I know a couple of moms like this, who discipline, without raising their voices. I really admire them ... One is the mother of eight, and the other is a mother of three -- both with really nice kids.
Another is a mother of a singleton, who never raises her voice, but there's hardly any discipline either. The kid is spoiled and not too much fun to be around.
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#6 - May 07, 2013, 07:15 PM
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All of my friends are amazed that I never yell at my kid. They don't believe me when I tell them I yell plenty--just not around other people. (Although my yelling is more of a raised voice.)

I don't believe there's a mom out there who never yells/raises her voice.
#7 - May 07, 2013, 07:30 PM
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So they do exist... I want a character who doesn't ever yell, but somehow it feels so unnatural, so fictional, as AnneB says! But maybe I can make it believable if she has a good reason for it, some background story that explains her absolute refusal to raise her voice. 

As an aside, I'm friends with one woman who I've never heard yell, even when her kids are doing utterly crazy terrible things. When I told her I was amazed how she never raised her voice with them, she told me she yells at them all the time, just not in company!

PS In defence of yelling, though, kids do do an awful lot of it themselves. So, really, we're just relating to them on their level, right?! Just tonight my five-year-old screamed MUUUMMMMYY so loud and with such passion I thought something catastrophic had happened. Turns out I'd forgotten to put the bookmark in the book we were reading so she couldn't find the page.  :bewildered:

PPS Whizbee, we just cross-posted. You're another secret yeller!
#8 - May 07, 2013, 07:31 PM

I've got zero problem with raising my voice. :) But, I do really think there are women who don't do it. I knew one who just got very quiet when her kids were misbehaving. Now, she worked full time and her Dh was the stay at home dad, and these three kids were an adopted sib set from South America, so I don't know if any of that has any bearing, but she just said "they know what I expect of them, and they try to do it. When they don't, there's consequences, and then next time they do it..." Whereas I say, "Mama's not happy!!!" :)
#9 - May 07, 2013, 07:37 PM
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I was this mom... before a certain child of mine hit toddlerhood. I've since learned that I'm capable of yelling loudly enough to rattle the windows.
#10 - May 07, 2013, 07:43 PM


Turns out I'd forgotten to put the bookmark in the book we were reading so she couldn't find the page.  :bewildered:

PPS Whizbee, we just cross-posted. You're another secret yeller!

At least she has her priorities straight! Haha.

And yes, we have a club.
#11 - May 07, 2013, 07:45 PM
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I know a mom whom I've never seen yell, or ever heard anyone mention her yelling. Very soft spoken. Very proper. Great lady with fantastic kids -- very nice husband too. But I couldn't guarantee she's never yelled.
#12 - May 07, 2013, 07:48 PM

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RaeE, me too. I vividly remember explaining to my husband that rather than just telling our children off, we should try and explain the reasons behind what we're trying to get them to do/not to do. I still do try to do that, once I've calmed down, but it often comes after a yelled, "What on earth do you think you're doing to your sister?!"

Robin, I guess for some kids yelling just doesn't work too. Maybe the kids had become immune to it or something? I don't do it that often so when I do yell, my five-year-old sometimes jumps out of her skin. But then she's the sensitive one.

David, have you seen Pleasantville? They sound like they're from that movie!
#13 - May 07, 2013, 07:49 PM

Yes, that's a great point. I really never yell at my eldest. If she were my only, or I had 3 like her, I might be a never yelling mom! But God gave me two more, and let me tell you, they require a raised voice...
#14 - May 07, 2013, 08:00 PM
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David, have you seen Pleasantville? They sound like they're from that movie!

The kids are both above average students, excellent musicians, always simling, extremely polite, social, quiet but confident...the kind of kids that make you question if you've ever done anything right as a parent  :-|  ;)
#15 - May 07, 2013, 08:16 PM

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Reading this thread made me feel very strange. Like a freak? Mums/moms that don't ever yell is, almost, me. Nothing is ever absolute, but pretty close.

I do my yelling in my fiction writing and the occasional ranting I do, oh boy, *HERE* :!
#16 - May 08, 2013, 07:10 AM
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My neuro-typical child requires no yelling at all.  I don't even have to raise my voice.  I just change my tone.  I would no more yell at her than I'd want her to yell at me.

My child with autism does this:  MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMY OOOOOOHHH NNNOOOOOOO COME HERE I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOWWWWWW YOU!!!!!!!!!

And when I go running it, and say "What is it??" she'll go "I want waffles."

Our next-door neighbors scream and yell at their kids all the time.  And their kids, in turn, scream and yell at each other.  Go figure.
#17 - May 08, 2013, 07:37 AM

Sorry, I realize I didn't answer the question there.  What I meant is--we sort of have a John and a Sherlock in our daughters and occasionally, I have to raise my voice to be heard above Sherlock.

If we only had John, I'd never need to!
#18 - May 08, 2013, 07:43 AM

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I'm not sure there exists a mom of children older than 2 who has NEVER yelled. There are moms we've never HEARD yell, and moms we maybe can't imagine yelling, but we're not flies on their walls.

My sis and I, who honestly didn't have much yelling coming, were raised by parents who were screamers, especially my mom. Their/her screaming was about them/her, not us. In my kids' early years, I was a screamer, too. One day, I heard myself, and I said, "That's it. This scream-legacy is stopping right here, right now, with me." At that moment I became a non-yeller. It's possible that I raised my voice briefly on a couple more rare occasions, but I was no longer "a screamer," if you get what I mean. The habit, the way of being, was gone because I wanted it gone. I handled it by deliberately *lowering* and calming my voice when angry.

BTW, I've found that kids often consider any kind of admonition, disagreement, refusal of permission, or laying down of the law to be "yelling," regardless of decibel level.
#19 - May 08, 2013, 07:49 AM
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Reading this thread made me feel very strange. Like a freak? Mums/moms that don't ever yell is, almost, me. Nothing is ever absolute, but pretty close.

I do my yelling in my fiction writing and the occasional ranting I do, oh boy, *HERE* :!

Mirka, I truly admire moms who are calm.

One day, I heard myself, and I said, "That's it. This scream-legacy is stopping right here, right now, with me." At that moment I became a non-yeller. It's possible that I raised my voice briefly on a couple more rare occasions, but I was no longer "a screamer," if you get what I mean. The habit, the way of being, was gone because I wanted it gone. I handled it by deliberately *lowering* and calming my voice when angry.

Again, admirable that you were able to exercise so much self-control. I do find it's easier as the children get older, but that hot temper of mine gets the best of me.

Vijaya
#20 - May 08, 2013, 07:51 AM
« Last Edit: May 08, 2013, 07:54 AM by Vijaya »
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I'm another 'secret' yeller (though I don't yell much -- and when I do, it's usually something like, "You're driving me crazy!!").  It cracks me up because moms at school will comment about my kiddos and say, "and I never hear you raise your voice to them."  Well, no, you don't.  I do it at home so I don't have to in public.  ;)  Truth is, I rarely have to raise my voice.  My parents taught me to talk to kids (like you would anyone else) even when they're little, so although I never tried reasoning with them, I did make my expectations clear.  And later, after the discipline, I'd talk to them about what happened and why.  It's made it so that now, when they're older and truly can begin to reason, I don't have to yell or even discipline much.

As for the mom I know who never appears to yell, she's actually quite soft-spoken all the time...so perhaps it's just not in her personality?
#21 - May 08, 2013, 09:07 AM
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I handled it by deliberately *lowering* and calming my voice when angry.

When I'm REALLY angry I actually don't shout, I hiss through clenched teeth. It happens only rarely but my daughter knows it means serious trouble. I usually only shout because I need to cut through some noise or because I need a quick response. Somehow it seems instinctive to me to shout NO! if I see my five-year-old handing the one-year-old a kitchen knife. I'm not sure I'm capable of calming saying, "Now, my dear, that's not such a good idea, is it? Pass it to me, poppet, now there's a good girl." I might try it later, though, and see how I go!

If I may use it, your background story about how you came not to yell might be just the thing for my story!

Quite a few secret yellers! I think the yelling comes and goes – when they're babies/little there's no yelling, then when they're between 3/4 and 5/6 they get a bit of yelling, after that when they're old enough to reason with, there's less yelling again, then when they get all rebellious during early teenagerdom there might be a bit of meltdown yelling... I'm guessing at most of those but I know my yell scores have changed over the years!
#22 - May 08, 2013, 09:28 AM

i am Mean Asian Mom and a very
public yeller as well as one that gives
the Glare of Death.

and as we've seen here, you simply
can't tell. public and private selves can
differ vastly.
#23 - May 08, 2013, 09:31 AM
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I am definitely not this mom.  In fact, my kids are so used to it they’re probably more scared when I don’t yell. 
#24 - May 08, 2013, 11:02 AM

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My preschooler bursts into tears and demands I "stop yelling" at him whenever I tell him no.

Me: (in a voice that is calm and quiet only because by now this sort of thing is so typical it no longer rattles me) "No, you most certainly cannot set up a stepladder at the top of the stairs so that you can "dive" off of it."

Him: "Stop YELLLLLLLLING at me!!!!! It's not FAIRRRRR!"
#25 - May 08, 2013, 11:44 AM

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i am Mean Asian Mom and a very
public yeller as well as one that gives
the Glare of Death.

Hee hee ... another MAM here.
Vijaya
#26 - May 08, 2013, 11:54 AM
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My preschooler bursts into tears and demands I "stop yelling" at him whenever I tell him no.

I know! Sounds like "yelling" is yet another word whose meaning is changing.
#27 - May 08, 2013, 12:25 PM
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I'm not a yeller. That doesn't mean I wouldn't yell "stop" if I saw a child running into traffic. I don't consider that "yelling at a kid." It's an emergency. Maybe this will help as you develop your character. Yelling makes me feel uncomfortable -- out of control. That is why I use a quiet voice. I don't respond well to being yelled at. I tune out. So if I want someone to listen to me I get quiet. If we understand why your character doesn't yell, it will be natural.
#28 - May 08, 2013, 01:42 PM
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I agree pretty much with CLK. I don't think I ever yelled at my son when I was scolding him (I don't even yell at my husband!). I'm simply a pretty quiet person overall. But I would definitely have yelled if I thought he was about to be injured.

I have a soft voice, and I've never really understood why people think they have to be scream to be heard--especially when two people are screaming at one another. It sort of defeats the purpose, in my opinion. :-)
#29 - May 08, 2013, 03:59 PM
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My mom could yell in a whisper, but I don't remember her raising her voice. She came from the era where yelling wasn't "ladylike." Now that's not to say she didn't holler to warn us of danger, but never as a method of discipline.

I on the other hand, lack the finesse of making a soft word sound menacing enough to bring about the desired reaction  ::-). I have raised my voice once or twice...or maybe more  :ahh. Don't know if I'd call it yelling, but definitely louder than my normal voice.
#30 - May 08, 2013, 04:27 PM
« Last Edit: May 09, 2013, 09:52 AM by J.Swan »
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