Ok, I was staying out because I was incapable of forming so lucid a thought as the rest of you, but I'll respond to Jen's latest question.
First, though... having read all the passages, I'm not terribly impressed by EITHER book! I suppose argument can be made that either and-or both authors' voices are fresh, lively, authentically teen... but, really. Still not impressed. I can't see why anyone would feel so enamored of one to want to "internalize" or plagiarize it--whatever we want to call this. I will say, though, that MM's prose reads much more smoothly, in every case. This is almost like the "cheap knock-off" version of SLOPPY FIRSTS--it looks the same on the surface, but lacks the quality and workmanship of the original.
Also, about book packagers... hardly an expert, but I do think that they're both much more widely used and have much less stigma attached to them than we would normally think. Sheree Bykofsky talks some about packaging in THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GETTING PUBLISHED, and there's a book packager speaking at the MWG conference this weekend. Apparently SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS came through a packager.
Now... per Jen, which passage is the most damning? For me, from the original set referenced in the first post, it's this one:
‘COME ON, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU’
From page 209 of McCafferty’s first novel:
“‘Uhhhh...I live less than half a mile from here. Twelve Forest Drive.’
“Pause.
“‘So I don’t need a ride...’
“Another pause.
“‘But do you want one?’ he asked.
“God, did I want one.
“He knew it, too. He leaned over the front seat and popped open the passenger-side door. ‘Come on, I want to talk to you,’ he said.”
From page 172 of Viswanathan’s novel:
“‘Sit down.’
“‘Uh, actually...I was just dropping off some books. I’m supposed to be home by nine. And it’s already eight-forty.’
“Pause.
“‘So I can’t really stay...’
“Another pause.
“‘But you want to?’ he asked.
“Did I? Yes...
“He knew it, too. He patted the chair again. ‘Come on, I want to talk to you,’ he said.”
I can understand "internalizing" a colorful phrase. I CANNOT buy "internalizing" to the point of reproducing the exact structure, down to the sentence count, of the scene. This isn't just a case of one witty expression slipping into your writing--this is dialogue, reproduced almost verbatim, for seven lines.