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Silly/funny vows you wish you'd said or had your husband/wife say

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Okay, so I'm after ideas for a magazine article about the vows no one says when they get married but they kind of wished they had (in a humorous way). So...

I Shall Not Let Our First Pet Sleep Between Us in the Bed

When I Come Home, I Shall Never Greet the Dog Before I Greet You

I Shall Never Leave my Hair in the Sink

I Shall Always Put the Seat Down

Thou Shall Love and Cherish My Body in all its Forms/
I Shall Love and Cherish My Body in all its Forms

For new parents:
I Shall Not Pour the Remaining Expressed Breast Milk Down the Sink

I Shall Continue to Wear Matching Underwear for the Duration of our Marriage

I Shall Not Criticize Your Diaper Changing/Baby Holding/Lullaby Singing

For new homeowners:
I Shall Not Say 'I Can Fix It!' if I am Not a Plumber/Carpenter/Electrician by trade

Any other ideas?

#1 - June 14, 2012, 05:38 PM

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For husbands:

I Shall Never Mention that (insert famous celebrity name here) Lost the Baby Weight Within 2 Weeks After a Natural Childbirth During Which She Smiled Non-Stop and Tweeted About Every Glorious Moment.

I Shall Never Say After Your Full Day of Being Home With the Children, "It Must Be Nice To Not Have To Work."


For Wives:

I promise to not apologize for taking an hour or so a day to do something just for me. Even if that means just sipping wine and watching re-runs of Sex and the City.


For Both:

I vow to remember that "I cooked dinner for you!" is always heartfelt, even if it's just frozen pizza.

#2 - June 14, 2012, 06:22 PM

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For husbands:

I Shall Never Mention that (insert famous celebrity name here) Lost the Baby Weight Within 2 Weeks After a Natural Childbirth During Which She Smiled Non-Stop and Tweeted About Every Glorious Moment.

I Shall Never Say After Your Full Day of Being Home With the Children, "It Must Be Nice To Not Have To Work."


For Wives:

I promise to not apologize for taking an hour or so a day to do something just for me. Even if that means just sipping wine and watching re-runs of Sex and the City.


For Both:

I vow to remember that "I cooked dinner for you!" is always heartfelt, even if it's just frozen pizza.



Excellent! Thanks so much! I so agree on the dinner one. Well, all of them, but that one really struck a chord. Something about preparing a meal for someone is different to any other house-based 'job' - it feels like you do out of love, more than when you wash the dishes, you know?
#3 - June 14, 2012, 06:57 PM

For Husbands:

Do not ask if Angelina Jolie is in the issue of People magazine your wife is holding.

I will remember to say that you, my wife, are the most beautiful woman in the world. I will not say, "Uh, you know, that magazine is wrong, that celebrity isn't the most beautiful woman in the world... it's that lady, you know, who's the one married to Tom Brady?"

I will not say you can tell a woman's age by looking at the back of her hands right after wife says, "Oh, wow I have an age spot on the back of my hand."

For Wives:

Say whatever you want because your husband will surely trump you.  :yup


#4 - June 15, 2012, 06:29 AM

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For wives:

I will say thank you for the times you change my oil and realize that changing my oil is your code for "I want you to be safe". Oh...and "I want to save some money, too" Both are good traits. Thank you for doing both.

I will not kill you for leaving the seat up in the middle of the night.

I will give you some leeway for not always knowing the right things to say. Especially if you change my tires, too.


For Husbands:

I will remember that you are my wife, and not my maid and will not complain when the house is a mess. Especially since I can't even remember to put the seat down.

I will not complain when you buy clothes on sale. It is the equivalent of me changing your oil. Thank you for saving me money.

I will remember to thank you for not trading me in for someone who acts like they know all the right things to say. 'Cause, well, you are smart enough to know they'd just be faking.

#5 - June 15, 2012, 06:40 AM
« Last Edit: June 15, 2012, 07:49 AM by DonnaE »
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He he he, love these! Thanks so much!

I hope some men chime in too... I'm intrigued to hear what they might add, if anything.
#6 - June 15, 2012, 07:46 AM

I will not tell you that you load the dishwasher the wrong way.  I will thank you for loading it at all.

I will always tell you I love you, even on the days when I may not like you. 

I will not tell you that you can't build that waterfall in the back yard.  Although it worked out pretty well when you decided to prove me wrong.

I will listen to your bad jokes and laugh.  I may roll my eyes, but I'll still laugh

And (my husband does this):  I will never put you down.  I will never let you put you down.  When you compare yourself with someone else, I will remind you of the many talents you have that the other person doesn't have.  So what if your sister in law can design and create a wedding dress without a pattern?  You can write stories and she can't.  She spends more time at the school volunteering?  You support the family and you took time to read to the kids every night, even when you were tired.

Oh, I guess the last one wasn't silly or funny.  But my lovely husband really is like that.
#7 - June 15, 2012, 02:55 PM
« Last Edit: June 15, 2012, 02:56 PM by Stephanie Leeth »
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I shall never tell you how many calories are in the dessert you just ordered on our special night out.

I shall never refold the laundry in your presence, even if it means waiting for you to fall asleep before I refold the bath towels in a way that fits into the the linen closet.

I shall never be disgusted by the drool spot on your pillow each morning.
#8 - June 15, 2012, 04:10 PM

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I will always tell you I love you, even on the days when I may not like you. 


Yes, yes, yes. This is so important. Loving even when you're not really liking.

Thank you, everyone!
#9 - June 16, 2012, 06:22 PM

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