[hauntedsouls Posts: 223 Status: Offline SCBWI MEMBER]

Okay; I'm going to admit it, this logline is awful. I want to submit it to a site that provides free views for your logline and hopefully to get someone interested in your script. Anyone want to take a crack at it? :paperbag

 Forty-year old photographer, Vanessa, copes with MS but is determined to document the neighbourhood known as Eastside Vancouver. Thirty-year old Gabriel, a recovering drug addict, becomes her assistant to help her navigate one of the world's most dangerous communities. The two become unlikely lovers and partners in the journey to find mutual redemption.

With my thanks!

[dinalapomy101 Posts: 2,223 Status: Offline Happy writing to all! WWW]

I'm not feeling what the problem is that they need to overcome. What are the stakes? What is the danger to them in that community?

[Mrs. Jones Posts: 1,855 Status: Offline]

I agree with Deena. Will she use the photos to DO something? What? And what is against her?

[Vonna Posts: 2,607 Status: Offline Keeping to the sunny side of the street WWW]

Forty-year old photographer, Vanessa, copes with MS but is determined to document the neighbourhood known as Eastside Vancouver. Why is this important to her? What disaster will happen if she does not do this? Thirty-year old Gabriel, a recovering drug addict, becomes her assistant to help her navigate one of the world's most dangerous communities. What compels him to do this? Why is he the only one who can/will help her? The two become unlikely lovers and partners in the journey to find mutual redemption. We know Gabriel is a recovering drug addict, but why does Vanessa need redemption? It might be better to hint at a romance and keep the focus on the stakes.