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Time to Grow Up?

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When do you think is the true age when a child "stops" being an offspring, or does that ever really happen?
The reason I ask because every Saturday John goes to visit his parents who are very elderly:Dad is 93, Mum is 76.
John has just left to visit them, after being collected but his aunt who gave him two huge bags of groceries, bought by his mother. It drives me nuts because we don't eat it.

Do you think it's a general thing for parents or are Mum's more inclined to pamper "her little boy"?

Right, I'm off to feed the five thousand...or the cat. He'll probably get most of what is there!
#1 - July 15, 2017, 12:58 AM

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My MIL cooked enough to feed an army every weekend. It was only 3 of us. Her, my husband and me. All the left overs? Came home with us and went directly into the trash. I should say that MIL was such a bad cook, that the food was barely edible on a good day. She cooked a roast or pork steaks with all the traditional fixings. My husband has been on medications for high cholesterol and blood pressure since before we ever met. I eat mostly vegetarian with some fish or chicken. We simply just couldn't eat the food she kept sending home with us. From the time we were married until the day she died we went to her house every Sunday (14 years.) She was 92.

She was doing it because it was the way she was. She sent food home with all the kids, nieces, nephews, grandchildren and even her half brother when they would visit.
#2 - July 15, 2017, 05:09 AM
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I'm not sure why it's an issue. I assume it makes mom feel better -- its hard to find value in your actions sometimes when you're older. And once it's a habit (even if based on conditions that don't exist anymore) it's hard to stop since it lessens the memory in some way. 'Remember when' is history, but if you don't stop it's still in the present.

That might be two-cent psychology, but give the groceries to a food bank, or a soup kitchen, if you can. And take joy in that.
#3 - July 15, 2017, 07:21 AM

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That might be two-cent psychology, but give the groceries to a food bank, or a soup kitchen, if you can. And take joy in that.

This. :)

#4 - July 15, 2017, 08:14 AM

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David,
I do agree with your theory: in some way she feels that we need food and of course, as humans, we do. But every week he returns with 5 pound bag of potatoes, endless tins, rashers of bacon, sausages, bread. It's all very kind and I appreciate but it's too much to bear.
I have told her twice (nicely) that we don't need it all, but John still returns home with his mound.
It is comical with his Dad: during a meal out with them once, John and his mother went off to shop because "she" decided he needed a new shirt.
"How do you cope?" I asked Sean.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Is like that with you?"
"Fiona, she's not a woman to be crossed," he giggled. "I'm twenty years older than her but I just leave her be. At least Jonathan (John's official name :muahaha) has the excuse of being her son!"

We burst into fits of laughter and when John and his mother returned they just glared at us, bemused.
Looks like it's a mother's thing.
#5 - July 15, 2017, 08:16 AM

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Agreeing with David. I think she means well, and it's just her way of showing you both she cares.

I have three grown kids and my oldest is 25 (yet single so there's no Daughter in law) and I always send food home with him when he visits. He actually calls sometimes and asks what's for dinner, then pops in to eat and take the leftovers. As a mom this makes me feel still useful to him even though he's an adult.

I am sure when he gets married things will change but until then I plan to always have a 'to go' bag ready for him.

So, maybe look at it from her perspective, that she's doing it out of love vs. letting it annoy you. Sometimes it's the simple things we do that give us great pleasures.

My husband's grandparents use to bring us garden vegetables every summer and I always looked forward to it. And they got such pleasure out of being able to share a little of what they had with us.

 :flowers2
#6 - July 15, 2017, 09:35 AM
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Oh, believe me, I know she means well. Our relationship was a minefield for over a decade and a half. I started living with John 1996 and didn't meet his mum until 2004. She simply decided that she didn't like me, then one day, out of the blue, she invited me to dinner. We're not buxom buddies, as it were, but we do tolerate each other and both of us have each other's best interests.

We do eat the food most of the time, unless we forget about it, which has happened and I know it's because it's her way of loving John but to see a 46 year old struggle through the door with a mound of food is a bit overwhelming.

I think it's essentially about individual parenting styles: my stepdad, for example, is a creep who thinks I should have been sent back to England. I wasn't part of the agreement when Mum married him.
John's mum is unbelievably overbearing, but she means well. And his Dad only talks when the wife allows him to! But they are both sweet.
#7 - July 15, 2017, 10:35 AM

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Your children are always your children no matter how old or independent they become. How great that John is still close with his family. That's a blessing not everyone has. Eat what can't be donated.
#8 - July 15, 2017, 08:05 PM

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Your children are always your children no matter how old or independent they become. How great that John is still close with his family. That's a blessing not everyone has. Eat what can't be donated.

Wise words, Debbie.
#9 - July 16, 2017, 11:26 AM
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I do and I am grateful. I just wish she wasn't so forceful.
#10 - July 16, 2017, 11:48 AM

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