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Wedding Etiquette?

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Have things changed? Aren't spouses supposed to be included in wedding invitations, even if neither the bride or groom has met the spouse?
#1 - October 16, 2017, 08:13 AM

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Have things changed? Aren't spouses supposed to be included in wedding invitations, even if neither the bride or groom has met the spouse?

Totally should be included. My daughter got married 2 years ago and we included the spouse on each and every invitation. We actually even included the children's names so they knew the kids were welcome as well.
#2 - October 16, 2017, 08:59 AM
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I thought that was still the case. Not sure though.
#3 - October 16, 2017, 10:30 AM
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Of course. Manners never go out of style.
#4 - October 16, 2017, 10:43 AM
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I think so. Especially if there will be dancing.
#5 - October 16, 2017, 10:57 AM
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I think so. Especially if there will be dancing.

There is dancing. But my husband uses a wheelchair for outings--maybe that was the problem. In any case, I politely declined the invitation.
#6 - October 16, 2017, 05:06 PM

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Leaving someone out because of a disability is wrong. It's more likely the issue was money unless it was accessibility of the place. (We made that mistake with an older place that had no elevator.) But if that were the issue, an apology should have come with the invite. Otherwise, the choice should be left to you and your spouse. I'm attending an affair by myself because my husband doesn't know the person involved at all, but he was still invited.
#7 - October 16, 2017, 08:37 PM

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It is a sad fact that it really depends on the couple marrying. A partner, in theory, should be invited, Etiquette suggests it. However, I was told on invitation to my cousin's wedding that John wasn't welcome, because of numbers. Subsequently, he ended up coming with me after they backtracked.
If it is because of his disability, would you really want to attend a function hosted by people that narrow-minded?
This has happened to me on several occasions with John & I've always gone alone, but I decided last year that if he is not welcome, I'm not going to bother. He wasn't welcome at my mother's 60th because her husband is a pig and refuses to acknowledge John's presence in my life, despite my living 21 years with him. He went so far later that year to point out how angry he was for bringing John with me.
There are just pig-headed people in this world that you can't reason with. I'm not saying these people are, but my stepfather certainly is.
I would be satisfied that you declined because exclusion is never excusable. Whatever the reason.
#8 - October 17, 2017, 05:38 AM

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To further explain: The invitation was an Event invitation on Facebook. I saw that a couple of people posted publicly on the event asking if their spouses were included, and the woman doing the inviting said, "Yes, of course!" Rather than assume that meant my spouse was also included (though to be honest, I was sort of assuming so after reading that the other two in question were), I privately messaged (because I had an additional question about the venue) her asking the same question, and also asked if the event was wheelchair accessible. That is when she said she was sorry, that she had to be restrictive that because of cost they could not include spouses they did not know. And that is when I politely declined.

I am not hurt, but I do have to say I'm flabbergasted.
#9 - October 17, 2017, 08:04 AM

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To further explain: The invitation was an Event invitation on Facebook. I saw that a couple of people posted publicly on the event asking if their spouses were included, and the woman doing the inviting said, "Yes, of course!" Rather than assume that meant my spouse was also included (though to be honest, I was sort of assuming so after reading that the other two in question were), I privately messaged (because I had an additional question about the venue) her asking the same question, and also asked if the event was wheelchair accessible. That is when she said she was sorry, that she had to be restrictive that because of cost they could not include spouses they did not know. And that is when I politely declined.

 :faint I am flabbergasted, too. This is just plain rude and thoughtless.

#10 - October 17, 2017, 09:14 AM

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I guess I'm old fashioned. I can see not inviting a spouse to a wedding shower, baby shower, luncheon, birthday party.

But in an event joining two people in wedlock, just seems polite to invite spouses or not invite either person.  :star2
#11 - October 17, 2017, 10:27 AM

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I bet she realized the event wasn't accessible and didn't want to say that when she gave you her info. Still, poorly handled.
#12 - October 17, 2017, 07:21 PM

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I would find such an invitation inexcusably offensive and would not attend.
#13 - October 17, 2017, 07:28 PM
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That is precisely what I was told.
#14 - October 18, 2017, 03:47 AM

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I bet she realized the event wasn't accessible and didn't want to say that when she gave you her info. Still, poorly handled.

Could be, except she never answered the question as to whether the venue was wheelchair accessible, just emphasized that she and her fiancĂ© were keeping costs down by not including spouses that neither of them knew.  Ah, well.
#15 - October 18, 2017, 08:19 AM

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