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Birthday Blues

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Not mine, thankfully, more John's.
He turns 47 today and although we are at home relaxing I know he is tetchy. Not only is it his birthday but also his mother's 75th,whom he rang this morning. On accepting the call and suggesting that he call out to help her celebrate she responded: "No, I don't want to excite your father. He's in bed & I prefer it."
His Dad is 93, of sane mind and perfectly capable but Mother will not hear of it. She then rang John  this afternoon and demanded to know where he is.
As you can imagine, John is rather agitated because he can't do anything right: he didn't go out on her request and now that he hasn't she demands to know why.
I'd like to say "Well, you know, John, in the twenty three years I've known you, not once has she ever rung to inquire after your wellbeing for your piece of mind, but always for hers". I didn't. I'm taking him out for dinner tonight and banning the phones instead.

Of late his mothers refers to his Dad's age-related demise and expects his death "any time now", which is complete :poop. He's much healthier than we are! John spoke of going out there for a few months when it happens. I fear that. I would love to say "John, just write her off when your father dies because she really doesn't care about you, but only for herself", but I know that's not my place.
So what do I say? Except "Get your jacket, we're going out to eat one of those hideously hot curries you adore". Admittedly that's him, more than me. I've yet to rise to that challenge!
Thanks.
#1 - July 01, 2018, 07:53 AM

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:hb3 to John!!! Groaning at his mother. Why are some people so difficult?

I wish I could join you in the birthday celebration with the hideously hot curry! He can have extras on my behalf. My mouth is watering so...
And for you, dear, a tall glass of mango lassi to cool off. Enjoy, enjoy!!
#2 - July 01, 2018, 08:13 AM
BOUND (Bodach Books, 2018)
TEN EASTER EGGS (Scholastic, 2015)
www.vijayabodach.blogspot.com
Author of over 60 books and 60 magazine pieces

:hb3 to John!!! Groaning at his mother. Why are some people so difficult?

I wish I could join you in the birthday celebration with the hideously hot curry! He can have extras on my behalf. My mouth is watering so...
And for you, dear, a tall glass of mango lassi to cool off. Enjoy, enjoy!!
I bought him a bottle of specialised beer for his birthday. Not your Miller or Carlsberg kind (assuming you are aware of those beer brands). It's a 750ml bottle of beer that you treat as you would with a fine wine. He's got an extra large wine glass also, just in case!
I know our relationship baffles most of society. It's never gone past the bedroom and is unfathomable to others, but unlike his mother, I respect him. I bought him a card for his mother, but if he even considers bringing her a gift I'll take the present off him. She's not worthy of it in the slightest!

#3 - July 01, 2018, 08:32 AM

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It sounds like John is very lucky to have you and your support of him, Fiona. :hb3 to him, and good thoughts for the challenges with his mom!
#4 - July 01, 2018, 10:03 AM
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Unspun: A Collection of Tattered Fairy Tales: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BSR6CPJ/
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I shouldn't have started this! He's just off the phone to his mum who simply said "just ringing to tell you no-one's been. I'll ring you if you need to know anything".
It's all a a ploy. I know it.
#5 - July 01, 2018, 01:46 PM

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I shouldn't have started this! He's just off the phone to his mum who simply said "just ringing to tell you no-one's been. I'll ring you if you need to know anything".
It's all a a ploy. I know it.


Of course it's a ploy. She's trying to make him feel guilty. But how he chooses to feel is up to John. Meanwhile, I hope he's enjoyed his beer.
#6 - July 01, 2018, 08:15 PM
Website: http://www.debbievilardi.com/
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I’ve recently been reading some books about how hard it is to see how miserable our parents can make us, because part of us is always that small child who needs to believe they love us (even if they have mostly only ever used us to fill the gaps in their own childhood experience of love.) It’s easy to see how unhealthy something is when you are outside the parent/child relationship, but for the person inside, it can feel like a life or death need to please their parent. Because for a little kid it is.

That is to say, his mom is clearly using him and I completely understand how frustrating it is to watch someone you love be treated so poorly by his own mother. Hugs.
#7 - July 01, 2018, 09:43 PM

Text message from John just received: "She's  :ranting done it again, selfish witch!"
I know what that means: she's complained that John didn't go out yesterday, despite the fact that he was told not to and now she's complaining that he doesn't look good enough or because he hasn't done something.
This will never change. Sigh. :running2
#8 - July 02, 2018, 06:17 AM

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As Debbie said, John can't change how his mother acts. He can change only how he reacts to her.
#9 - July 02, 2018, 08:11 AM

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Oh, Fiona... :hug
#10 - July 02, 2018, 09:48 AM

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Wishing you and John the best, Fiona. Manipulative people can be absolutely poisonous.  :hug
#11 - July 02, 2018, 10:42 AM

"We should have gone out last night!"
That is the first sentence uttered from John when he returned from his parents this afternoon. There's nothing wrong with his father. He's just old! Apparently, his mother left to go to the nearby village to shop, leaving John with just himself and his Dad.
John told he me that on hearing her return his father said: "This has been nice, hasn't it?"
Says it all really!
I'm hauling out to the restaurant and if there's even a hint that it will be postponed the impending scenario may incur a prison sentence! I'm not taking no for an answer this time.
#12 - July 02, 2018, 10:56 AM

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"We should have gone out last night!"
That is the first sentence uttered from John when he returned from his parents this afternoon.

NOOOOOOOO!!!

Alright then, tonight and the phone stays at home.
#13 - July 02, 2018, 01:12 PM
BOUND (Bodach Books, 2018)
TEN EASTER EGGS (Scholastic, 2015)
www.vijayabodach.blogspot.com
Author of over 60 books and 60 magazine pieces

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