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Something besides "I could..."

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My main character is dreaming of things he could do so I have 13 sentences in a row starting with "I could".  For example, "I could belly flop in to a pool of grape soda."

Any suggestions on how to change it so there aren't so many "I could" beginnings?

Any help would be appreciated. 

Thanks.
#1 - March 19, 2020, 08:31 AM

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What if...
I wonder...
If only...
You know what would be awesome/spectacular/sweet/[enter increasingly over-the-top adjectives]
#2 - March 19, 2020, 08:44 AM

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Thanks.
#3 - March 19, 2020, 08:48 AM

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If this is a PB, you really only need one "I could." It could be followed by a list of things - one on each page.

If this is a chapter book, MG, or YA, you can cut down the number of "I coulds" so they aren't so obtrusive. For example, "I could. . . or. . .or. . . . Then, of course, I might. . .or. . .or. . . .Maybe. . .or. . .or. . . . after a while you can throw in another "I could." If the "ors" are too repetitive, play with it and figure something else out. This is one of the great things about English - its flexibility.
#4 - March 19, 2020, 09:23 AM

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Thanks.
#5 - March 19, 2020, 10:35 AM

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If this is a PB, you really only need one "I could." It could be followed by a list of things - one on each page.

If this is a chapter book, MG, or YA, you can cut down the number of "I coulds" so they aren't so obtrusive. For example, "I could. . . or. . .or. . . . Then, of course, I might. . .or. . .or. . . .Maybe. . .or. . .or. . . . after a while you can throw in another "I could." If the "ors" are too repetitive, play with it and figure something else out. This is one of the great things about English - its flexibility.

I love the way Laura Purdie Salas does this in A Leaf Can Be...
You can look inside the book at this Amazon Books link: https://www.amazon.com/Leaf-Can-Millbrook-Picture-Books/dp/0761362037/ref=sr_1_1?Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.x=0&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.y=0&dchild=1&qid=1584661251&refinements=p_28%3Aa+leaf+can+be&s=books&sr=1-1&unfiltered=1
#6 - March 19, 2020, 04:42 PM
Odd Bods: The World's Unusual Animals - Millbrook Press 2021
Coming up: CSIRO Publications, Australia

www.juliemurphybooks.com

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Thank you for the book suggestion.  That gave me some ideas.
#7 - March 19, 2020, 05:02 PM

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Thank you for the book suggestion.  That gave me some ideas.

Excellent! Happy writing.
#8 - March 20, 2020, 07:12 PM
Odd Bods: The World's Unusual Animals - Millbrook Press 2021
Coming up: CSIRO Publications, Australia

www.juliemurphybooks.com

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